What If's Why's and Wah!
by Ephemeralism
Summary: Ever wonder any awkward situations or funny scenes in Bleach? Like how Mayuri always dress weirdy or Kenpachi's bells? Odd match-ups characters having a duel or regarding pairings? I own nothing except my ideas. As, always, T for language. Ch5: Women Shinigami Association- Girl Time.
1. Mayuri's Outfit Kenpachi's Bells

**AN: Hello 2014! :) This is the first thing I have decided to do after my return from a short break (hiatus makes it sound bad, but I won't stop you from hating me, I guess I deserve it?) This is purely fan-based.**

**After talking with some fanfiction writers/readers, I seem to have this thing I do pretty well at...what if's XD. So here is the obvious what if in Bleach that I think everyone wonders.**

**Enjoy and I am taking requests! So fill that bog box underneath and ... as you wish ;D**

**Please ask a What if (The possibilities are endless I tell you), Why (as in something you are confused) and or a Wah?! (Like a disbelief)**

**Thx! -Feather Pencil :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BLEACH**

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><p><strong>What if: <strong>Mayuri wasn't a robot/human looking?

Me: So Mayuri, do you think of this?

Mayuri: Me?! This is outrageous? My outfit has nothing to do with you. In fact, who are you to judge me.

Me: W-well, Mayuri, this is o-only a devoted and curious fan of-

Mayuri: Pfft, *does the hand wave motion* Annoying fans, wait a minute... who gave you permission into my lab?! NEMU!

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><p><strong>Why:<strong> Why does Ken-chan have bells in top of his hair?

Yachiru: KENNYYY! SOMEONE WANTS TO ASK YOOU A QQQQQUUUESTION!

Kenpachi: Tell them to go away! I swear I felt Ichigo's spiritaual pressure. *grins* Bet he's trying to hide it. *Barges out of the Squad's barracks.

Yachiru: HEEYYYY! Wait for me!

Me: B-but...what about the question?

... after much running and getting lost in the Seireitei due to Yachiru's sense of direction, the two of them head back to the twelfth with Ichigo no where in sight...

Kenpachi: Damn that kid is getting better at hiding. But that won't get him anywhere.

Yachiru: KEENNNNY! That annoying kid is still there waiting for you to answer.

Kenpachi: Hnn?

Me: W-well you see Kenpachi, we were wondering why you have bells on top of your spik-

Yachiru: Really?! That's all you wanted? I'll tell you!

Kenpachi: Yachiru, stay quiet.

Yachiru ignores Kenpachi: I put them there!

Me: ?!

Yachiru: Well, one day, we were wandering through the forest, and then we got lost.

Me mutters: Wow, that is a shocker, Sherlock.

Yachiru smiles dangerously: I heard that.

*A chilly silence.*

Yachiru suddenly turns back to normal: Anyway, we then went to the marketplace. This bald guys was selling these *points at Kenpachi's bells* Sooo, I wanted to buy them! They looked kinda like those hard candy, you know the one I'm talking about? And I really wanted candy! *pointing at the "candy" again.

Me: Er, sure...you mean like those round Dutch Mints?

Yachiru: Yeah! We looked and looked but didn't see them? Do you know where you can get that?

Me: World of the Living.

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><p><strong>Soo... what do ya think? ;)<strong>

**Leave a review! The only reason I did an OC insert or an autor insert is because this is a sample, so whatever came first in mind, I kinda winged it :]**


	2. Hitsugaya's Secret

**AN: Hello! Back with another chapter! Review PLZ!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BLEACH, if I did, why would I be here?**

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><p><strong>Wah?! <strong>Histugaya's Gay

Momo: Well, I mean, it has to be right?

Me: ... Now that you mention it... I would have never thought...

*Rangiku pops out of no where* Are you guys gossiping about the captain?

Me and Momo: Shh!

Rangiku: Oops. Well? What are you guys talking about?

Momo looks at me... I look at Momo: Well...

*nudges Momo*

Momo: Well...*whispers in Rangiku's ear*

Rangiku: REALLY?! AND I THOUGHT-

Me and Momo: Shh!

Rangiku: Oops. So what now?

Me: Well, we need to find out if its true, right Momo?

*Momo nods*

0/0

THE WORLD OF THE LIVING:

0/0

Rangiku: So what do you think?

Orihime: Hmmmm? That could be a possibly.

Rangiku: See? We have another person that agrees with us! Come on! Can we confront the captain face to face already?

Momo: Well...

Me: No.

Orihime: Why? We would have our question answer much faster than going around asking people if they think Captain Histugaya is-

Me and Momo and Rangiku: Shh!

Orihime: Oops, sorry.

Me: *sigh* Come on, we go to Urahara's. I need so stuff there.

Momo: Yeah, I'll need a gigai if we are going to go around asking everyone the same question!

Oriihime: Oh! I know! *smacks fist on the table* We could just via com everyone!

Me and Momo and Rangiku: ?

Orihime: You know, the thing where all the captains can talk to each other like a Bluetooth device think you stick in you ear?

Me and Momo and Rangiku: ?

Orihime: ...Like your personal pager?

Me and Momo and Rangiku: ...

...

...

OH! A HELL BUTTERFLY!

Orihime: Yeah! That! Wow, you guys are smart!

Rangiku: We could use the Hell Butterfly and then everyone will know so they can contact us! Okay, SAKE BREAK!

Me and Momo: RANGIKU!

Rangiku: Wah? Oh, yeah. You guys can't drink.

Momo: Anyway, we can't do the Hell Butterfly because then Shiro-chan will get mad and that will just cause more trouble, let's go around and ask people! It's more fun anyway!

Me: Momo has a point! Ok! Urahara's!

Orihime: Oh! I'm coming too!

0/0

URAHARA'S:

0/0

Urahara: Well, what a pleasant surprise from the Soul Society!

Orihime: Well actually Mr. Urahara...

Momo: We want to actually ask you a question...

*glancing at each other*

Rangiku: Do you think the Captain is...

*does a little hand motion*

Me: You know... *follows Rangiku's weird circle drawing*

Urahara: Hmmmmm, possibly. Actually, yes! Of course!

Me and Momo and Rangiku and Orihime: WHAT?!

Urahara: Yep! I can pretty much confirm that my sources are correct.

Momo: Oh my gosh...Shiro-chan is...

Me: I never thought it was going to be this serious.

Rangiku: Wow, the captain... for once, I am speechless.

Orihime: ... Wow! So we were right! Captain Hitsugaya is -

Me and Momo and Rangiku: SHHHH!

Orihime: Oh yeah, oops.

"What?"

*they all turn*

Ichigo, Uryuu, Rukia, Yoruichi, Kon and Chad.

Me and Momo and Rangiku and Orihime: NOTHING.

Orihime: Nothing, acutally. Nothing at all. We were just disscusing matters about Captain Hitsugaya. Yeah, nothing. Nobody is-

Me *hands over Orihime's mouth* Hurt! Yeah! Nobody is hurt! Yep, the Hollows are fine! *Mentally tells Momo and Rangiu to get the hell out of here, fast!*

Momo: Umm, well, we got to go!

Rangiku: See ya!

*Dash out the door*

WAIIITT!

*turns*

Urahara: If you are looking for him, he's back at your apartment. *motions Orihime*

Rangiku: Right.

Momo: *bows* Thank you Mr. Urahara.

Orihime: Yes! Thank you!

Urahara: No problem. *waves and closes door*

0/0

BACK AT ORIHIME'S:

0/0

Orihime: So what now guys?

Rangiku: Change of plans, let's just ask the captain because I'm tired. Ikkaku said he might pay for a round of sake at this one club if I come to his place at 7.

*Looks in her Hollow detector phone gadget* And its 6:44, so I should hurry.

As they walked towards the door they hear voices from the inside.

-I told you! Stop! You would never understand!

- What don't I understand?

-...How I feel towards anyone in none of your concern.

-... I see, are you saying this is it?

- I can't guarantee this... augh! I feel like I am going to go insane!

- Just tell 'em what you just told me, " I love you."

Outside, Rangiku, Orihime, Momo and I widen our eyes.

_WHAT?!_

-You know I can't... you'll never understand.

- Of course I do, me and Yumichika went through this, it's the past now. Done, sealed and everything.

- You and Yumichika are different from my situation, I can even look at-

- Same thing, feelings are feelings. Stop being such a kid, man up and confess already. *sigh* this is really going no where.

-...

- ...Uh, Captain Hitsugaya?

-... How many times do I have to tell you, Ikkaku? I AM NOT A KIDDDDD!

Suddenly the door was smashed into pieces, sending everyone, including Ikkaku into the streets.

Me and Orihime: AHHH!

Rangiku: Auugh! Ouch! That was not a graceful landing!

Momo: Ekkkkkk!

From the inside, Hitsugaya shunpoed out catching Momo.

Histugaya: Momo! What are you doing out here.

Momo: ...Shiro...chan...

Ikkaku: Crap, that was a hard landing.

Ikkaku: *looking up he sees Histugaya and Momo* EHH! TELLL 'ER!

Everyone, excluding Histugaya: ?

*Hitsugaya ignores and mentally noted to beat Ikkaku to a pulp when they get back to the Soul Society.*

Hitsugaya: Damn you, Ikkaku. Anyway *looks at the girls* what are you four doing here?

Orihime burst, "Captain Hitsugaya, you are gay right?!"

... dot dot dot ...

WHAATT?!

Hitsugaya: *blushing* WHAT?! *suddenly backs away and drops Momo*

Me: You know...when you have an interest in people your... *hand motions*

Hitsugaya: *still blushing and stuttering* Who told you this? RANGIKU!

Rangiku: Captain, I am seriously confused. I thought that you were straight. *curves into a smile* but I never knew THAT was the was you rolled. Ehehehe!

Hitsugaya is beyond rage, who made this up?

Hitsugaya: Who. told. you. this ?

Momo: Well, I thought, since you... well...you always seem to be staring into space and then you walk off somewhere. You never could look me in the eye. You avoid me so... I though maybe your interest lies elsewhere...

Hitsugaya: *SHOCKED AND SPEECHLESS* _IS THIS WHAT SHE REALLY THINKS ?! STUPID BED-WETTER... BAKA..._

Momo: Soo... yeah...

Hitsugaya: Well, if I am would I do this? *wraps around her waist and kisses her and finally let's her go after a few seconds* So... does that answer your question?

Momo: S-shiro-chan... *starts to tear up*

Hitsugaya: *turns to me and Rangiku* What have you two been telling her?

Me: Hey don't point fingers, I simply went with Momo because I knew this was going to happen. *looks on to the rooftop* RIGHT IKKAKU?

Ikkaku: Yep, niceteam work

Hitsugaya: Y-you s-sett t-this up?!

Me: Well, no...after the talk with Rangiku me and Ikkaku planned only this part...the rest was fate I guess.

Hitsugaya: *turns to Rangiku* And you?

Rangiku: Well, I tried telling them but they wouldn't listen. They kept shushing me. Poor Orihime got dragged into this. Right?

...

Silence cam from her direction.

Rangiku: Orihime?

...

Orihime: So... are you really gay Captain Histugaya? Because you just kissed Momo. And that means you aren't. But you are gay, right? I mean, why else are you wearing a big polo shirt...is that Ishida's?!

**AN: Okay before anyone tries to leave a flame on the last part. I, in NO WAY, shape or form have anything against SEXUAL ORIENTATION. THIS WAS PURE CRACK. (And I want to try to see how good I am at humor so... plus, its Toshiro here ^_^, never know...it's just soooo fun to poke fun at him) **

**Opinions: I rather not address my OPT or ships, because in humor...that is not necessary... ^W^**

**This was inspired by many authors from the fanfiction community. THANK YOU TO EVERY WRITER OUT THERE! Also, readers as well, without your support, there is no point in this website to exist.**


	3. So You Say IchiRuki

**AN: Well hello! my return is official! :D I plan on continuing this but the catch is that idea come mostly from you guys. BUT I won't hold it against you because writing this fun. Anyway here is a bunch of random ideas I came up on spot because I had a rough day...more confused and misunderstood, so here is the "barf" of emotions. Thank you for dealing with this ramble and enjoy? :)**

**Disclaimer: Kubo owns BLEACH**

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><p><strong>Why? <strong>So you say IchiRuki, eh?

Interviewer: So... a lot of fans believe in Ichiruki. What do you think, Ichigo?

Ichigo: First of all, what the hell is this load of crap?! Seriously, I am getting fan mail every single day and they, 95.9999% are about Rukia and me. Like...where the hell do you people get this?!

Rukia: *physically abuses Ichigo by stepping on his foot*

Ichigo: Ouch! Crap! What was that for Rukia?

Rukia: Shut up, fool. *smiles at the camera* Hi fangirls out there! This is Rukia here, and to answer your question, since this stupid won't and if we do listen to his ramble we would be sitting here until midnight with him going on and on about -

Ichigo: WHAT THE HELL RUKIA?! I would not do that! That is unnecessary. I am stating my case and defend myself in this ridiculous-

Rukia: *smacks him upside the jaw* Anywayyyy, as I was saying-

Wow! Is that a camera? I've never seen it before! Helloooo! Wow! So shiny!

Interviewer: Um...Miss Kusajishi, could you please go sit inside the audience or the waiting room? We are filming an important-

Yachiru: *pouts* Hey Ichi! So you are in love with Ruki-Ruki?

Ichigo: Damn. How many times do I have to put this? Is this thing on? *taps the microphone* Hello?

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><p><strong>AN: Anyway, there is going to be an Ichiruki Interview Sequel. Votes? :) And please fill out that review box! ~<strong>


	4. Who Say's Ichiruki

**AN: HEY! So after the success of the ****_So You Say "Ichiruki"_**** eh?**** I've decided to do a sequel! :D**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own BLEACH, we should know this by now._**

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><p>Interviewer: Hello! This is another episode of the pairing Ichiruki-<p>

Ichigo: Will you please stop saying *air-quotes* IchiRuki. It's Ichigo and Rukia.

Interviewer: But the fans ship Ichi-

Ichigo: Ok, cut the crap. *sigh* get to the questions already.

Interviwer: Well, Ichigo after how things went last time, the fans don't really want you...

Ichigo:...Meaning?

Interviewer: *sigh* Tough crowd, they don't want you on the show anymore.

Ichigo: WHAT?!

Interviewer: We now have to tweek your contract a bit and then-

Ichigo: WHO THE HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! RENJI!

Renji pops out from the greenscreen: Wut? How the hell is it my fault?!

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><p>*After a series of arguement, Ichigo is now on the sidelines and cannot be onscreen*<p>

Interviewer: Okay, fans! We are back! Now, interviewing none other than the goddess of Flash!

*claps*

It is a true pleasure to have you here.

Yoruichi: *waves hand* It's nothing really, I just love these types of things! They are so fun and I love good gossip! Plus, it is a great way to attract attention. *smiles flirtatiously at the camera*

Interviewer: *blushes* Anywaysss...Umm, what do you think of Ichiruki, Yoruichi?

Yoruichi: Hmm? Ichigo? That kid is a good kid. Rukia is a smart girl. She is a Kuchiki after all.

Interviewer: And and and ? *getting excited*

Yoruichi: Well, they are kinda young...

Interviewer: *holds breath*

Yoruichi: But, nevertheless, young love is the best kind! *winks*

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><p>Interviewer: Ichigo and Rukia.<p>

Renji: That bastard is not laying a germ on Rukia. FINAL.

Interviewer: Okaayyyyy *Signals cut because doesn't want to be Kido-ed by his "accidental" Shakaho.*

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><p>Interviewer: Your personal opinion on Rukia and Ichigo?<p>

Uryuu: *pushes glasses up nose* Well, on contrary, the bond between them is significantly high. The communication is there, though if my calculations are correct-

Interviewer: So you opinion?

Uryuu: Well, I'd say it might work, Kurosaki might gain a brain or tow, because he is lacking much of it/

Interviwer: So you're final statement is?

Uryuu: Kurosaki has no brains.

Interviewer: I mean about Ichigo and Rukia... *Uryuu walks off*

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><p>Interviewer: Ichigo and Rukia, do you think they would work?<p>

Chad:...

Interviewer: Yes? No?

Chad: ... I think they are just friends.

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><p>Interviewer: So what are your opinions on Ichigo and Rukia, Orihime?<p>

Orihime: Well, they are best friends! Rukia makes him happy! but she hits him sometimes ... but it's really funny! Rukia is a great friends *smiles*

Interviewer: *SPEECHLESS*

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><p>Interviewer: What do you think about the couple Ichigo and Rukia?<p>

Yumichika: Absolutely not!

Interviewer: Please explain. *gets excited*

Yumichika: Well, it obviously will not work. No one can match MY superior beauty and taste in anesthetics, tsk, young love is pure fake and my looks are the only thing close to perfection and lovely beauty. *hair flips*

Interviewer: -_- Are you calling us ugly?

Yumichika: No, I am just saying you are the ugly duckling in the story.

Interviewer: -_-

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><p>Interviewer: Ichiruki?<p>

Karin: ...who dares to pair Ichi-nii with some other girl... *atmosphere turns suddenly eerie*

Interviewer: *SPEECHLESS YET AGAIN*

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><p>Interviewer: Rangiku! What is your-<p>

Rangiku: On Ichigo and Rukia? *squeals* Those two would be sooo cute! I can't wait for the wedding. I can take Rukia shopping and we will get glamorous. ! Everyone will be soooo jealous!*winks* And I get to teach her some tips on seducing men! Bye! My manicure appointment is in- Oh my gosh! I am an hour late! Bye!

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><p>Interviewer: Okay, here we are with-<p>

Isshin pops out of nowhere: HEYYYY! ICHIGOOOOOOOOO!

*Ichigo punches him hitting a few cameras and cameramen*

Isshin: *crying* ICHIGOOOOOO! Why didn't you tell me there was an interview for you and your future bride, my third daughter!

Ichigo: OLD MAN! GET OFF CAMERA, IT"S ROLLING RIGHT NOW!

Isshin:...well you are the one screaming.

Ichigo: GET OUT OF HERE! NO ONE WANTS YOU OLD MAN!

Isshin: B-but I d-didn't get to say I totally approve of this relationship!

*Door slams*

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><p><strong>AN: Yeah, after the last chapter, I wanted to do something similar to Ichiruki! Request for whatever you want next! I take anything :) And if you want something like this for other pairings, please request via review or PM! ~ Bye and have a great day!<strong>


	5. Shinigami Women Association p1

_**UPDATED:**_** Seems like I've been losing everythings all scatted. I need to keep everything together. I am sorry. Bring on the tomatoes, gurl.**

**AN: This is for Snowyncess and Hylla. Byakuya request. Anyone read the lastest chapters. RUKIA AND BYAKUYA, KUCHIKI POWWWAAAA!**

**AN: Okay, this is going to drive me insane if I don't get it down on paper. Okay, that kinda sounded like something Taylor Swift would say but whatever.**

**Here is your next chapter :) This is dedicated to Snowyncess and Hylla for their support and request. I am still available to any request, so bring 'em up! (; PLEASE REVIEW EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANNA REQUEST ANYTHING!~ [This is a Two chapter thing btw]**

**Inspired by the Shinigami Cup, I you've watched it, you'll know what I mean in a moment. And my idiotic group of friends - Though it won't make an appearance until the next chapter!**

** Thanks! ~Feather-pencil**

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><p><em>ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE INTERVIEWER IS OUT! THE INTERVIEWER IS OUT! THE INTERVIEWER IS DEAAADDDDD!~<em>

Please, madam chairperson of the Shinigami's Women Association.

_ATTENTION! ATTENTION!_

Lieutenant, Kusajishi!

Yachiru: ...Yes, Lietenant Ise?

Nanao: Please, lower your voice. The interviewer is out because of meetings involving the scandals of Ichigo and Rukia from the last episode. She will return next time, no need to fuss about it.

Yachiru: Awww, it was fun with the intercom thingy! I wanna play with it again!~

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><p>Nanao: Lieutenant, please.<p>

Yachiru: Aww, alright. IS EVERYONE HERE?

*All the Shinigami of the Women Association begin to quiet down*

Yachiru: Okie Dokie then! Welcome! *cheery smile* Today we are going to talk about our budget!~

Nanao: Yes, lieutenant. *pushes up glasses and blinks*We need to raise enough money to keep this base. The Men's Association has claimed out base if we don't do anything. Their last fundraiser raised more money than we have in the last year. They are getting a lot of the profit.

Yachiru: That's right!~ Maki doesn't have to stink in the toilet anymore! They got a good base now! We should visit there sometime!~

Nanao: Lieutenant, it is prohibited to go into their base, we have sign a contract that we will respect our properties. Under abnormal or abrupt circumstances, that is necessary we will go into—

Yachiru: Anyway! We, Nanao and I have made a task for all the Women Association to take part of!

Rangiku: Ooh! *interested* Does it involve anything in the World of the Living! *excited* I need another shopping trip! Forever 21 is having a 50% discount sale!

Yachiru: Yes! Actually, we need cameras!

Soi-Fon: Cameras? The Stealth Force many carmeras—

Yachiru: No, no, no. We need EXTRA EXTRA CLEAR AND HI-TECH camera's for this task! *pouts*

* * *

><p>Soi-Fon: *dangerously questions* Are you implying that the Stealth Forces cameras are not hi-tech enough?! We've caught countless photographs of criminals—<p>

Yachiru: Nope! I didn't say such thing, yours just isn't good enough *curt and smiles*

Soi-Fon: Lietenant Kusa—

Unohana: Now, now *smiles* we as the Women's Association don't argue with each other rudely *smiles* do we?

*DEAD SILENCE*

Now then, *smiles* shall we continue?

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><p>*A Hell Butterfly flies in*<p>

*everyone alerts and grabs their zanpaktos*

Nanao: Oh, that must be for me. *holds out index finger as the butterfly perches on*

_HELL BUTTERFLY'S MESSAGE: _**Nanao-chhaaaannn! Wheeerrrree aarre yooouu? **

Nanao: Captain.

Shunsui: **Whyy? My Nanaooo-chaan! Whhy?! Yoouu arree soooo meeann to meeeee?!**

Nanao: You are drunk again, aren't you?

Shunsui: **Nooooo, I just had a fewww bottttlless. Mayyybee 12 roundss.**

Nanao: 12?! Our money we made in the last month—

Shunsui: **All gone. Oh waaiitt! Nanaoo-chaaaan! There is stilllll ssooomme leffftt! **

Nanao: *frustrated* Why am I even talking to you in this state? I'm coming back to the barracks.

Shunsui: **Yahhh! Myy Na-na-naaoooo isss comminng!**

_HELL BUTTERFLY FLIES AWAY, MESSAGE ENDS._

_*Nanao shunpos out*_

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><p><strong>Part 2 will be out ...soon<strong>


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